I'm starting my year with a renewed commitment to
authenticity, and my intention for 2014 is to “get real.” Let me tell you what I mean.
Like most parents, I really want my daughter to have
self-esteem and be true to herself, and a major part of that is her being
comfortable with who she is – the good, the bad and the not-so-pretty. So I am asking myself – how comfortable am I
with who I am?
In our “get er done” culture, there is not much focus on being “REAL.” We are conditioned to avoid (or at least
hide) unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings. We figure
out early that it is better to not express
ourselves when we feel sad, upset, in pain, not
good enough, angry, etc. We want others to like us – we are naturally
driven to want acceptance, love, and connection, and being who we think others want
us to be is one way that we try to get that need met. We start
orchestrating our lives and create parts of ourselves that make sure we
don't have to feel the pain and shame of disconnection. And these “parts” of us
can do such a good job that we don't even realize they're operating!
Let me give you an example.
After stating that I was going to “get real,” I immediately came face to
face with a part of me that was putting on a “mask.” I started to notice that, more than usual, I
was trying to help everyone get through their own challenging situations. You
might think well of course you want to help everyone; you are a coach and
helping people is what you normally do! But this was different, and something
about it wasn't feeling natural.
So I got curious and invited that part of me into my
awareness. I paid attention and could see this part as one who can solve it,
who can help you through anything ... the part that is the know-it-all
and perfectionist. As my daughter says, “Mom, you have an answer for
everything.” By acknowledging this part,
I recognized that it wanted to feel good and be connected with. It believed it had to know everything
to stay in control and feel safe.
Our parts do have their good side, their gifts, but when
they are dialed up to 100% they take over, and I was exhausted just trying to
keep up appearances that this was really me. It's hard work and takes endless
energy to maintain and manage a part like this! What would it be like to let
go, not know, and allow some uncertainty? To trust the process and believe people will
find their own way…it doesn’t have to be me
that helps everyone get there, including my own child.
Getting real is letting myself feel, accept, and validate the parts of me that
believe I am not something enough. I am grateful
to have the WAVE Process™ to help me get real. With this tool, I am able
to accept and validate these parts of me; to know their gifts while
acknowledging when they actually keep me disconnected from my true self and
from others. And I find that when I operate from a more real and connected
place, I feel so much better emotionally and physically! It helps me know
myself, and enables me to live more authentically, more connected, and more
consciously.
When we get real, our kids can get real: they become more willing to accept and love their own “parts” without feeling compelled to hide them, and their need for approval lessens as true self-acceptance and self-love begins to build.
When we get real, our kids can get real: they become more willing to accept and love their own “parts” without feeling compelled to hide them, and their need for approval lessens as true self-acceptance and self-love begins to build.
I can't imagine a more beautiful
and important gift for my daughter than me, getting real!
Keeping it empowered (and real),
Kim
