Friday, February 7, 2014

Getting Real

GET REAL: to accept the truth of what is and not deceive yourself  

I'm starting my year with a renewed commitment to authenticity, and my intention for 2014 is to “get real.”  Let me tell you what I mean.

Like most parents, I really want my daughter to have self-esteem and be true to herself, and a major part of that is her being comfortable with who she is – the good, the bad and the not-so-pretty. So I am asking myself – how comfortable am I with who I am?

In our “get er done” culture, there is not much focus on being “REAL.”  We are conditioned to avoid (or at least hide) unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings. We figure out early that it is better to not express ourselves when we feel sad, upset, in pain, not good enough, angry, etc. We want others to like us – we are naturally driven to want acceptance, love, and connection, and being who we think others want us to be is one way that we try to get that need met.  We start orchestrating our lives and create parts of ourselves that make sure we don't have to feel the pain and shame of disconnection. And these “parts” of us can do such a good job that we don't even realize they're operating!

Let me give you an example.  After stating that I was going to “get real,” I immediately came face to face with a part of me that was putting on a “mask.”  I started to notice that, more than usual, I was trying to help everyone get through their own challenging situations. You might think well of course you want to help everyone; you are a coach and helping people is what you normally do! But this was different, and something about it wasn't feeling natural. 

So I got curious and invited that part of me into my awareness. I paid attention and could see this part as one who can solve it, who can help you through anything ... the part that is the know-it-all and perfectionist. As my daughter says, “Mom, you have an answer for everything.”  By acknowledging this part, I recognized that it wanted to feel good and be connected with.  It believed it had to know everything to stay in control and feel safe.

Our parts do have their good side, their gifts, but when they are dialed up to 100% they take over, and I was exhausted just trying to keep up appearances that this was really me. It's hard work and takes endless energy to maintain and manage a part like this! What would it be like to let go, not know, and allow some uncertainty?  To trust the process and believe people will find their own way…it doesn’t have to be me that helps everyone get there, including my own child.

Getting real is letting myself feel, accept, and validate the parts of me that believe I am not something enough. I am grateful to have the WAVE Process™ to help me get real. With this tool, I am able to accept and validate these parts of me; to know their gifts while acknowledging when they actually keep me disconnected from my true self and from others. And I find that when I operate from a more real and connected place, I feel so much better emotionally and physically! It helps me know myself, and enables me to live more authentically, more connected, and more consciously.  

When we get real, our kids can get real: they become more willing to accept and love their own “parts” without feeling compelled to hide them, and their need for approval lessens as true self-acceptance and self-love begins to build.

I can't imagine a more beautiful and important gift for my daughter than me, getting real!

Keeping it empowered (and real),

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