What Our Kids Need MORE Than Presents

We are in the crazy, hustle and bustle of the holidays, and around our house it’s a time when we feel higher levels of both excitement and extra stress … with more family gatherings, more school events, plus the additional holiday routines, shopping, and chores. It can be tense as well as extremely exciting, and my daughter’s energy is UP – we are all feeling it!

Of course our kids want presents, and that’s part of the appeal of the holidays. But there is something you can give your child that reflects the spirit of the holidays, while bringing more balance to your family life. It is the gift of CONNECTION.

Connection helps you and your child focus this holiday energy in positive ways, with some additional and wonderful long-term effects. Children thrive when they feel connected with, and so do you! With connection, we feel calmer, more confident, and secure. Even though we may not have been modeled connection and compassion when we were kids, it is still possible to learn how to give it and get it!

Just remember that YOU hold the key, it’s never too late for connection, and your children will benefit knowing --

They matter.

They are an important part of your family.

They belong in the world.

You are on their side, on the same team.

You can give your child the gift of Connection by following these 3 simple steps:

1. First, connect with you. Because it’s hard to give what you don’t have, make sure you put your “oxygen mask on first.” Have a night out, get support from a friend, take a long bath … you get the picture! 
2. See through their eyes. Try to accept what’s going on for your child – it’s an exciting time of year, and they are expressing it! Understand that this intense energy is everywhere around them and can show up emotionally and physically. At times, they won’t know what to do with themselves, so it gets demonstrated in what you could interpret as “bad behavior.” When that happens, ask yourself: How can I lighten up and find the fun? 
3.  Validate and acknowledge his or her energy! You can simply say to your child -- “I know there’s a lot going on and you’re feeling really excited! Do you want to draw some holiday pictures or listen to some music?” Reflect back and show that you understand, then you might direct them with ideas -- or they may come up with their own.

Bringing connection with your child into the holidays will look different depending on your heritage and values, but in our family here is how we create connection and channel the energy this time of year:

- We make things, taking time to decorate or clean house together, and create goodies while playing holiday music;

- We go for a walk and look at all the lights;

- We find ways to give, ways to make a difference in our larger community;

- We share our excitement! That might even mean my daughter is singing Jingle Bells at the top of her lungs in the front yard :-) ...

And as important as these things are, if I start to feel exhausted I will do my best to stay regulated and connected with my daughter! When I speak to her from a connected place, I can express my own needs and she will respond with respect and understanding (most of the time!).

The bottom line is this:

Our kids really want to feel a part of the season and part of what we are doing.  When you learn the skills of connection and give them to your child, he or she feels included, important, and valued.

Is there really any greater gift we can give them? 

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Until next time -- Happy Holidays, and Be Empowered!

Kim